Present: Why Some Old People Shouldn't Drive

I've always thought that it would be a good idea for states to require driving tests for the elderly. I would think that after age fifty-five there should be some way of determining whether a citizen is able to get from one point to the other, or endanger the lives of everyone in a thirty mile radius. I hate to pick on the elderly, and in no way do I think of fifty-five as old, but look, people, there are some real human deathtraps out there in the shape of little old ladies.

If I were in charge of this test, I would only check on a few minor things.
    1. The person in question is strong enough to perform all mandatory functions of driving.
    2. The person in question is not crazy.


Now then, on to my tale. I was walking into work the other day, when I heard the faint voice of an elderly woman calling me to her vehicle. "Excuse me," she wheezed," can you help me with something?"



I walked up to her window, and she motioned for me to go to the other side of the car. As I approached the other side, she asked for me to open the door and help her with something that I don't think I've ever helped anyone with before. She asked me, and I'm not kidding, to help her put her car into reverse. The trouble? She needed to push the button in to release the shifter, and pull it back into reverse. I think a fair comparison of the difficulty of this task would be akin to pushing one's thumb through warm butter. For those of you that haven't a clue about the texture of warm butter, let me tell you this, it's not tough.

    She thanked me, and slowly drove off (somehow she was able to shift it into drive). I hope that through my kind actions I didn't end up killing a bunch of people. Maybe through the deaths of many, there will be legislation passed to keep certain elderly folks off the road. In honor of the example I made, they can call it a "melted butter" law. You're all welcome.